What a lark to be myself

Dear Internet,

I don't know why I'm even typing this but I stumbled upon my old blog after such a long absence. I do not intend to maintain it but I do wish to make my first post in roughly three years. It's quite strange to look back on "dramatic" periods of my life which I now consider rather mundane. Such is life. Such is the passing of time.

My name is Joel. I am 19 years of age, soon to be 20 years of age. I have a steady job which allows me small luxuries in life. I have a steady partner who I love. I no longer consider myself to have a turbulent life. In many ways I have mellowed and grown old and in other ways I am still the child who began this blog seven years ago as an outlet for all the demons and agonies of an adolescent growing up in, what he deemed to be, a cruel and unjust world.

I won't lie to my beloved Internet. I can't with honesty say that I'm much different. I see the world in a more adult-like light but like everyone else with my predisposition I tend to fall beneath the crests. If I had to say what the biggest difference in my life would be - it would be that I have a security and stability my former self lacked. The most bizarre thing, I find, is that when I started this blog I had all those delusions of youth that people actually cared about what I thought. I was content to receive a couple of replies on my posts when they were originally uploaded on MySpace (this blog was originally intended to be an archive for my previous blog posts when I deleted the aforementioned website). With this in mind, it seems fitting that the majority of these were not even aimed at anyone reading in particular. They have always been for myself only whether I realised it then or not. I have always found writing cathartic. Despite not being good at the technicalities of writing, I like to think that I have an interesting narrative and a colourful vocabulary.

I know that the theme of this blog entry has been adulthood and maturity so it would be an interesting time to note that this blog was originally titled "Innocence Moratorium". I had taken the idea from an album (a damn good one, too) and it roughly conveys an idea coined by a Japanese psychologist. The muzai moratorium refers to young adults in Japan who refuse to take control of their lives and grow up. I would like to believe that I am finally at a stage in life that I can renounce my own moratorium on innocence.

As ever, this entry has been filled to the brim with incomplete thoughts and stunted ideas. I would hope this post is the most mature thing I have managed to vomit in the past seven years. I would also hope that were I to return to this again in another three years I would be able to laugh off the naivete of a twenty year old as I can do now.

Yours sincerely,

Joel.

眩暈-vertigo-

I absolutely adore Chihiro Onitsuka's song "Memai". It seriously is the warmest love song I've ever heard and I tried translating it, so I'd like to share it with you~.

Hey, is it possible for me to fake a smile,
When I get terrified by the nights I remember?
Hey, whilst I'm laid in your lap, praying the devil won't come,
Tell me everything is all right,

Because somehow you strongly, strongly believe in me.

Your arms, your voice, your back is all here as rain pours down on my parched earth.
I can't escape, because you'd come from anywhere
And just knowing that, I want to cry... just knowing that...

This road will cruelly continue and if I was turned into a stone...
With those hands, I'd want you to thrust me into the flame

So that anything that's in the way would disappear, let me remain rubbish.

Your arms, your voice, your back is all here, stirring up my dulled intentions.
I don't want to realize it, but... how far must I force myself to run

So that I may be able to catch up with the me who is shaking free from myself?

The pretty words I could make you hear can't even be found,
So before you cry out to me becoming subservient, don't be kind to me...

Your arms, your voice, your back is all here as rain pours down on my parched earth.
I can't escape, because you'd come from anywhere
And just knowing that, I want to cry... just knowing that...

Your arms, your voice, your back are all here...
Your arms, your voice and your back are all here.

Maybe it's time I blogged something!

Hey, so seeing as there has been a tremendous lag in my bloggin, I'll just keep it brief for now.

This weekend I'm looking into colleges for definite. Sound good to you? Sounds good to me. Other than that there's nothing new to update on. Haha.
I'm also going to actually attempt to get a job, so I plan on distancing myself from spending 458973498573249874298 hours on the internet. I'm going for it now at full speed, wish me the greatest luck please!

Thank you to those who've stuck by me, I'll repay you one day, somehow. ^o^

雪月花

The truth is, I've been so unproductive recently despite my previous convictions. It's not good at all.

Well, I've decided I've gotta make priorities. I've been moping thinking everything will come to me. It won't. We are the only people who can move ahead in our lives and we choose to either squander our time or live pro-actively. I have definitely been doing the former, but no more!

My first step is to look into colleges. That's the major one. I need my education regardless how hard it will be.

1. Education
2. Work

Doesn't that seem better? Haha. It's insane how quickly time flies when you're content with living miserably. I need to get myself sorted.

I've got everything in my hands,

If I don't move then I won't go anywhere

I've got everything in my hands,

But if I don't start it, it'll never start. 
-Fly high, Hamasaki Ayumi

I believe we aren't fully in control of our future, but we can do all we can for the present so we can achieve our goals, right? I can't go on feeling sorry for myself for the rest of my life. 

Music

Hi! Currently teaching myself how to play Don Mclean's American Pie. Please look it up! :D

Together translation

Hi! I just got done translating a song, it's still not perfect, but I think it's okay...

So, this song is called "Together" and it's really gorgeous, it was the first song alan composed and was on her debut album Voice of EARTH as a first press bonus (I think?).
I was listening to the song and I noticed I could pick out pieces of the song and understand them (much like her song Sakura Modern)... Soooo I looked up the lyrics and decided I'd try to translate the entire song and here it is:

Together - alan

Lyrics: Miki Matsui

Composition: alan

Arrangement: Yuta Nakano

To live with you, to sleep with you,
Everything that's here, I wrap it all up,
Love and dreams overflow and lead my way.

Of course, I've realized:
There has to be something important here.

We don't need such words,
When I only want to protect you,
Because, the past, the present and tomorrow,
Are certainly glowing in my breast.

The waves, the wind, the sky and even now...

This blessed rain is falling,
On the dry earth,

With you... 

Kanji:

君と生きる　君と眠る
ここにある　全てを包み込んで
愛と夢　溢れ導いて

大事なもの　あるはず
そう気づいた

言葉などいらない
君を守りたいだけさ
そう　過去も今も明日も　この胸で
輝くから

波よ風よ　空よ今も

乾いてく大地に
恵みの雨を降らして

君と…

If you notice all the errors, correct me! ;) 

錯乱 (Confusion)

When I titled this blog entry "錯乱" or "Confusion", it was purely due to it being the song currently playing, but it ties in quite well with this post.

Ringo Shiina. Alan. Ai Otsuka. Chihiro Onitsuka. Gackt. Shakira. Hikaru Utada. Regina Spektor.

What do all of these artist have in common? Other than them being singers, they're all also songwriters. I listen to so much music which is created by this type of person and it struck me as odd. I'm attracted to artists who create their own songs and play instruments, yet I'm currently not playing myself? So odd.

I've been wanting to blog for quite some time, but I've had nothing to talk about until now.

Well, my topic for today is music and instruments! Until a few years ago, I used to play guitar, but due to lack of interest and lack of willpower I stopped, but listening to the music I do made me think. I can't sing, my lyrics aren't good and I can't compose. So, before you start thinking that I want to be a songwriter, that's not an option!

You could say I've been "inspired" finally. Sometime this week I'm going to resume the guitar and aim for proficiency. So, wish me luck!

This leads me to another subject. Currently I'm half-heartedly searching for a job, but this week is going to be my last week of laziness! I'm going to start job-searching in earnest.

I'm going to end it there with these lyrics:

If you only look,

It will never be in reach,

If you only look,

It will never be yours

-Catcher In The Light, Ayumi Hamasaki