I should stop...

I've just been watching NANA, and was thinkin, how much I can relate to Hachi, I mean, we're both dreamers, unlucky in love... agh, watching NANA, it kinda makes me depressed, I hate it, feeling like I'll never make something of my life.

Hachi regularly says stuff like, "They only hang out with me cause I'm Nana's roommate" and I guess thats what my friends kinda make me feel like... "They only hang out with me, cause I like this certain music" or "They're only my friends because I look like this..." and it kinda hurts my pride... I don't wanna be liked for what I look like... I would hate it if people only liked me because I was into a certain band... I continually piss people off... but I really don't mean it...

I want to be liked for my personality... although, I try to be a good person...but it never seems enough.

I do my best to listen to what my friends say... I accept their opinions the best I can, yet it always strikes me... that whenever we have contrasting opinions... I'm always told to leave it...
I don't wanna leave it, I have an argumentative manner, but I try and surpass this...

God, people continually say stuff to be about what I look like, not knowing it hurts me, well, I hope they don't know it hurts me, but I think they reason I get hurt over such trivial things is cause... before I leave the house, I always do my best to look presentable, even though it never feels like it... and then when I actually feel good about myself... thats when they put me down!

And something else which hurts me more than anything is when my friends say stuff like "I'm really poetic" and whenever I'd say that, they'd just laugh...

I guess you could say I'm being overly sensative, but I don't insult their appearance, so they should insult me... even if they do it in a joking manner, it's still not fair.

Ugh another thing I'd like to bring up is that whenever I'm at school I hate having to use a persona, like I don't give a damn, all my friends give a fuck about it making sure that have as much fun at others expense as possible, all they do is laugh and joke around, even when I wanna talk about something serious...

Not that we do EVER talk about something serious!!

Dammit!

The last part will probably be:

Why are people so proud about cutting themselves?!
IT'S NOT SOMETHING TO BE FUCKING PROUD OF!!!

A few week ago... I was talking to Laura and Sam... and out of nowhere... Laura just went "Why did  you cut yourself?" it wasn't fair...she could've at least asked me while I was alone...

Yeah... I did cut myself for a while...I'm definately not proud of it... infact I'm horrified, thats why it shocks me to see people at my school showing them off like trophies... who am I to judge though?

Maybe some of the people who read this, if they read this will realise that I'm talking about them, and then find it unacceptable to say stuff like "Oh...it's that Jap"
and "Go cut yourself"...

Yeah... ~Fin