Poem! =]

All right, so I recently wrote a poem... and like Gemma reckoned I should post it on myspace... so here we go:

Kimono
By Joel Cartwright

Long ago:
They fluttered around Gion like flowers in the breeze,
The long furisode of the maiko once scraped along the ground,
The hanamachi were odorous with the smell of sakura incense,
All this beauty, hidden behind the fragile veil of flowers,
The mysterious world, covered in secrets not to comprehend.

Who could have foresaw, the tragedy that befell this peaceful life?
The crumble and decay of this delicate existence,
The panic and furore that was caused in this intimate land,
The tragedy exposing the thousand year old antiquity
And at this point, things were never the same again

Legends of the East, brought back to the West
Never understood, not meant to be questioned

Now the furisode and elegant kimono are legends of the past
The Gion hanamachi full of urban promise, full of ghostly past
A long-lived veil, snatched from the ephemeral times

What could the island of the East do, but bow to the West?
Embracing change like the fleeting transition of winter into spring
This is the culture of the Geisha, the mystery of Japan
Rare but not eradicated
Seen but only misunderstood

The hanamachi of today, still weave this sacred world
More steadily and carefully, as the veil grows thinner still
Waiting 'till the day the Noh mask finally breaks

Sucks, I know... but what the hell :)

Hmmm.. IDK XD

So, it's been a good while since I last blogged and in reality, I've learnt quite a lot about myself.
I used to think I could trust all of my friends, yet I now know for fact that no matter how many times you tell me that I can trust you, I know that I can't.
There is possibly four people at most I know for fact I can trust, and even then, they have their own problems.
So to be totally honest, I feel quite lonely. But yeah, what can ye do eh?

Rofl, so in happier news, it seems that Bunraku's filming is going quite well so that's good. I honestly think that GACKT will begin touring Europe after filming and recording of the film, his new album is over.
Then afterwards S.K.I.N. will hopefully begin their world tour.
I hope so anyway, because that would literally make my decade.

So also my Japanese is coming along pretty well, and I'm getting used to the ~tai verb ending...and my Kanji is gaining in numbers.
All is good rofl.

So, back to the more personal aspect of things; family is driving me mad shounen-trouble, but what can you do about that.
When all you can think about 24/7 are stuff like 'aishiteru', 'daisuki da yo', 'omae o hoshii da' and 'itai' and then they're all... 'ah, you've gotta be out of your mind'.
Well, let me tell you, it FEELS like I'm slowly going insane...
Yeah, it actually SUCKS so bad.
Yet, no one fully understands, not that I expect them to, rofl.

And next we have work experience, everyone on Wednesday seemed nice which was pretty much unexpected, I'm gonna miss ore no tomodachi to koibito though.

Ah well, nothing else I don't think S_S

Sithi
~Jyoeru-kun x

COLD! GR! XD

Okay, so today, I'm gonna do loads, accomplish a lot!
Ideally I need to finish all my coursework and get it all up to date, do all the chores I have to, practise some Japanese and redo my myspace!

So on a slightly depressing note, this week, I've felt kinda sad... there really is no other way to describe it.
I'm starting to realise, I'm not a people's person at the moment, people who I absolutely adore are starting to piss me off, and then someone from the group of people I trust entirely has betrayed me, I mean, I know I should trust them all when they say their expected "You know it wasn't me, you can trust me!" When the reality of this situation is I can't trust you because you may have betrayed me.

When you tell me something, I keep it a secret and it becomes one of my burdens, like in the bible where it talks about sharing yoke because someone else's is refreshing? I don't remember the exact part but it's in the new testament somewhere.
The point I'm trying to put through is that out of the few people I could trust, that's now sunk into an already lower number and I sometimes think, can I really trust anyone anymore?

The answer? Maybe it's a no, maybe it isn't... but I know that it is tiring to have to think about what I can and can't tell my friend... the majority of them lie to me, yet I don't lie to them.

So yes, people frustrate me, because they're just a cesspool of disappointment and lies, who am I to talk of this though, I let people down do I not? I don't go to school because I hate it and just being there makes my skin prickle with hatred and worry.
It's okay for my friends because I carry the brunt of all these contemptable attacks and the homophobic verbal assaults.

Sure the verbal hurts, it hurts more than anything in the world, yet so does physical, people tend to forget that not only do I recieve a heavy chunk of the psycological homophobia, I also recieve a majority of the physical.

This leads me onto body image, I think that I'd be lying if I said I was happy with my body, because I'm not at all, although I'm not going to go to extremes over it, I still have days when I disgust myself.

I'm far too thin, my face is too gaunt, I hate how my skin refuses to colour, I hate my hair, I hate my entire face.
I actually have days when I think, I actually look pretty good today, or wow I'm kinda getting big today!

Today however, I feel I'm too skinny, I don't think there's a bone on my body I can't see and I actually find it repulsive the way my wrist has a bone that juts out and the veins that're so clearly visiable.
It's all disgusting, to me, being this thin isn't attractive, yet despite my constant binging I don't gain weight, I'd rather be fat than thin.

Body image is strange...I often find myself looking at my scars, disturbed that I could do that to myself yet facinated, often gazing at them, feeling the texture, is this normal?
Is anything normal? How can I be disgusted by something such as self harm, yet the very next day do the object of my abhorrence?

I suppose this entry is turning into something quite personal, but I'll type a little longer...

Life is a vicious circle, a never-ending cycle, boring yet interesting, a constant paradox of the unacceptable and acceptable.

I think I've rambled on a little too much, so I'll nip it in the bud so-to-speak.

Ah, yes, I think I'll go do something more constructive and less theraputic now!

Sayounara

Raburesu...amongst ramblings of a child (Y)

Okay, so recently I started reading "Loveless" by "Kouga Yun" and I have to say it's fantastic...
The plot lines are well thought out and the story runs at a very nice pace.
So here's a basic over-view in my own words:
Loveless (???? raburesu) is a shoujo manga by Kouga Yun, it's set in modern Japan and the overall plot revolves around a 12-year-old boy called Aoyagi Ritsuka and his thoughts and feelings about losing his brother Aoyagi Seimei and his personal feelings.
Basically it's a fantasy shounen-ai manga which according to wikipedia (which is quite true) is also mystery. ROFL!

So yeah, I said it's set in modern day Japan... except with a few twists!

1.) A wide number of the characters have tails and ears...
...This is common in shoujo manga and is known as kemonomimi which translates into animal ears...however, rather than just 'looking cute' which it does, it also serves an important purpose in the world of Raburesu...everyone who is a virgin has them, neat eh? Now you know who is a virgin or not :)

2.) The fighting teams!
The fighting scenes are important in Loveless...each fight consists of two teams of two people, a fighter and a sacrifice.

3.) Sacrifice...?
A sacrifice is a core member of the partnership and they 'own' their fighter and they themselves command their fighter and absorb the pain and injuries for the fighter.

4.) Fighter...?
A fighter is the person who deals the damage upon the sacrifice.

5.) Loveless contains paedophilia?
...No, it doesn't, but yes it does xD
Ritsuka is in Japanese 6th grade... meaning he's 12, Soubi is an art student in university meaning he's 20...although some would describe their relationship as 'sick' or 'disgusting' it clearly isn't, sure they kiss and Soubi says "I love you" I wouldn't say it's sick, although it obviously is a pederastic relationship, Ritsuka still owns his tail and ears! ^_^

But yeah. I love this manga way more that Nana...aaah and Ritsuka and Soubi are so perfect together... I'm almost positive they have a link together!!

Now...I'm out of things to say I suppose... so I'm gonna go and re-read Raburesu! -^_^-

Pfft more of my joyous voice!

Out of utter boredom


http://www.zshare.net/audio/9367842eb2fd9d/

that link leads to my voice :)

Here’s a transcript of what I’m saying, seeing as people tend not to know what I’m saying...

"Er, hi, well I’m like, bored and it’s early in the morning.
So...I’ve decided I’m gonna like, read a poem to ye.
Basically, the poem is called Dulce Et Decorum Est and it’s by Wilfred Owen...
Who was a famous...er... war poet from the first world war...
And reyt... here goes:

’Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.

Gas! GAS! Quick, boys! -- An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And flound’ring like a man in fire or lime . . .
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under I green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil’s sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues, --
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.’

So, er yeah, I kinda screwed up a few minutes then, so yeah, er oh well..
There’s nowt much left to say..so yeah bye"

Foulstone can go FUCK!

Foulstone is a utter BASTARD!
They know full well they have a bullying issue, so what do they do?!

Fuck all is the answer! I mean, in the past 6 months, me and my friends have been CONSTANTLY plagiarised by dick heads because we’re a different sexuality!

Yet whenever we go to the school, they constantly do FUCK ALL

It’s really pissing me off because, does the school not realise that bullying is a serious issue, and frankly they are NOT gonna step in until someone either gets killed or kills themselves, and that’s the way it is.

They constantly pussyfoot around people who claim to be getting bullied when it’s them who do the bullying and then do absolutely nothing about the real problem, which can be plainly seen.

I mean, when Mrs. Sokell talked to me, all she suggested was that we stop meeting up after and before school, well my answer is NO!

WHY THE FUCK SHOULD ME AND MY FRIENDS HAVE TO SACRIFICE JUST BECAUSE THE SCHOOL IS DOING ABSOLUTELY FUCK ALL ABOUT THE SAFETY OF US!

I FUCKING HATE IT

Seriously, I’m not playing by the rules any more :)

Goodbye civility :)

Video for Nat ^_^

enjoy my spazzyness ^_^;