Poems (Y) Part II

Here's the second I wrote today.

Sat inside a willow tree
Bending in the wind
Branches twisting, winding to the sky

A stark comparison to our way of life
Rigid, towering like a silhouette of pines

'Grow this way, not that way'
Surrounded by wires
To guide us up to God

One path to follow
No where to grow
Struck by lightning
Up in flames

No room to bend,
Only to break
Trapped in a shape
That's solitary and right

Much unlike the graceful willow
Sculptured down below
Branches break
Then they heal

Struck by Jove's arrows
They aren't hurt
Bending ever upwards
Slowly into heaven

Sure it took a while
Of course there were mistakes

Room for change
Patience from growth
Unlike the stubborn pine --
Ever zealous; no mistakes

And thus the weeping willow
Mourns the pine unto this day.

Poems (Y) Part I

Okay, so I have two poems, I'll go in chronological order, so they aren't *perfect* but they'll do for now.

With the first beads of blood,
The first broken skin,
Like a sinister requiem entwined in sin,

Caught in the midst of a lethal masquerade
A release from the anguish of putting on this façade

How many times, have I played this game?
Of spiritual torture, my answer still the same
This unnatural addiction
A sole communication to the man who isn't there
Full on the outside, so everyone can stare

Living like a shadow, held in repugnance
Like a demon in its stance
Liar and a fake,
Crying for pity, lying through my teeth

I seethe words of "Pay me no attention --
Not even like you care."

Naught but malediction flows through these malignant veins
Pouncing like a lion, preying like a wraith
Only just a bane

Flowing out a river of crimson
A lake jealousy
A pond of pain

Moving back into the midst
Like a ripper of self-pain.

Man

What a depressing morning.

It's fucking freezing, wet and grey.

I'm also in a pretty bad mood today, siblings suck sometimes.

So today once my mother has gone to work, it'll just be me and dad in the house so it'll be quiet to a certain level.

But I'm in two minds whether or not to:
1.) Go back to bed (I've had 12 hours sleep, too much again).
2.) Or have a bath then get some hot chocolate at regular intervals.

But actually, I've just realised it's more probable I just sit here complaining to my blog.

I also might just laze about on OE... I dunno I can't be bothered today.

And my stomach just informed me he needs feeding. Damn, I don't normally have breakfast but I think I should make an exception.

So a few things I think I should mention.

Today's word is 'tittle-tattle' which is a noun referring to either idle chit-chat or a gossip. Fun!

Today's Japanese word is すくむ which is a verb meaning to cower/crouch/shrink/draw back.

But yeah, new postsecrets tomorrow :)

~じゃまたね

Poeeem

Okay, so I apologise in advance for the enormity of the emoiness.

It doesn't have a title, but it's mine, it's copyrighted, TO ME ;)

So .. here goes (it may be worth noting this isn't how I currently feel, and this is my first original poem for about a year.):

With the first beads of blood, the first broken skin,
Like a sinister requiem entwined in sin,
Caught in the midst of a lethal masquerade,
A release from the anguish of putting on this façade,

How many times have I played this game?
Of spiritual torment, my life answer still the same,
This unnatural addiction --
A sole communication to the man who isn't there,
For everyone else to stare,

Living like a shadow held in repugnance,
Like a demon in its stance,

Liar and a fake, crying for pity,
Lying through my teeth,
"Pay me no attention,
It's not even like you care", I seethe,

Naught but malediction flows --
Through these malignant veins,
Pouncing like a lion,
Preying like a wraith,
All I am -- a bane.

Yessums.. that's my latest poem (sucks I know), but yeah I did write this in like an hour of anguish and pain and torment and all those other poetic feelings ;)

But ahuh, like I say, it's copyrighted to me, so yeah :)

...So ahuh there's nothing much to say other than a few things that have happened today.

Erm.. so I'm home-alone for a while today, but I'm so~ tired, I can barely keep my eyes open.

Also, I had some angel's delight recently and it's given me a sore throat! :(

My current favourites with music are:

Song: Jane - Tsuchiya Anna
Band: Nightwish
Guitarist: Miyavi & Emmpu
Singer: Tarja Turunen
Solo Artist: Ayumi Hamasaki


...so yeah.. erm.. not much to add...so I dunno, I may blog later depending on my mood.

Oh, before I forget... a few shoutout, cause I'm cool this way.

Sarah:
Okay, Sarah is my soulmate and BFF, she likes Nightwish, I like Nightwish, she likes Inuyasha, I do too, she thinks I should rape people, I think I should also, LOVEYA BFF let's go shopping soon ^_~

Riah:
Stay awesome :]

Nat:
I fuuhkin love you, bitch =D

nah that's seriously.. I'm seriously tired so I'll go to sleep...maybe.

Ja, oyasumi yo!

Joeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel ^_^ ~

Hardly Fair...

This is hardly fair, is it?

My mum and sister expect me to stay off the internet during the day because 'I'm on all night', the reason WHY I'm on all night is because I CAN'T get on during the day.

My mum is always making out she's the victim in everything, when she isn't, she twists my words and calls me a liar.

It's quite unfair actually.

The only four people I regularly see are Sarah, Riah, Siobhaun and Cierra.

And as great as they are, I still have other friends... like friends closer to home I NEVER see.

My mum goes on about how she has friends she talks to everyday on Facebook, what about me? What about MY friends I NEVER see?

I'm basically depressed constantly cause I can't vent, they won't LET me vent.

I can't talk to them no matter what they say, do they care? No.

They think that me being online all night is through my choice, it isn't.

So my mum has friends on facebook, I have friends that I can't even ARRANGE to meet up with because I can't get online during the day to see them, I can't text them cause I haven't got credit on my phone and she complains if I ask for her credit.

She's basically crippling my social life because she has to be on facebook during the day.

She's pathetic.

And I hope she DOES see the feed on my facebook, and I hope she DOES click it, and I hope she DOES read this.

I mean... I can't talk to the people I need to, the ones I've not seen in ages because they don't want me to come online, cause they're SO much important than me.

I'm fucking sick of her...

Like in the last two weeks, I've been able to get online about 3 times during the day, but even then they've complained.

She goes on about Mafia Wars like is so fucking important.

It's a game, whereas, my happiness isn't a game, she's my MOTHER she should care about my happiness.. you'd think, anyway.

Basically she dislikes who I am, and for things I can't help.

I swear, what does she expect when she's always swearing.

I'm nasty to her, what does she expect when she doesn't give me the time of day.

I can only get through to her when I argue, and even then she shouts me down and doesn't listen.

So much for her facade of "You can talk to me about anything" FUCK YOU, you only say that so I'll stop cutting, so you won't feel guilty, so it won't look bad on YOUR parenting.

I cut because I'm UNHAPPY, do you care?! NO!

I can't even have an opinion because it would make God unhappy...well Mum, you and I, we both obviously serve different Gods.

And then you always go on about not having favourites...you fucking do, why lie?!

Matthew and Lucy are your favourites, because they're nothing like the Cartwrights you DESPISE.

You hate me, you hate my dad, you hate MY family, because they are my family, nothing to do with you and your perfect kids.

I mean.. if you weren't gonna be ready for me, if you weren't gonna accept me without having to lie to yourself.

You shouldn't have even had me, seriously.

So yeah. Bye, now I'll let you have YOUR way, again.

I sincerely hope you read this, because then you'll know the truth, undoubtedly I know you'll twist it, like you ALWAYS do, because there's no point in lying, you'll kick up a massive fuss and say you do care and you do everything for me.

But in the end, you don't have the time of day for me, you're too content in your own life to care about me.

Infact I don't think you have any maternal instinct over me, you love Matthew, you love Lucy, you hate me, you've said this numerous occasions, to my face, to other family members, to other people.

I'm sorry I can't be your PERFECT idea of a son.

I'm sorry I can't be straight, and nice and clean cut and as amazing as Matthew.

I know I'm not as good-looking as Matthew and I know you'll never love me as equally as Matthew, so don't bother trying anymore.

Just don't bother anymore.

I'm past caring about anything.

Things that Scare the Fuck Out of Me

Okay, so I were just reading something on Chinese history, it was basically a synopsis on Chinese history and it's weird China is terrifying.

So I'm gonna make a list of things that scare me and why, random I know :)

1.) The People's Republic of China

• They have dying rooms, which of course China deny, basically a dying room is a room in the back of Chinese orphanage where mentally ill and handicapped children are left to die, they aren't fed, watered or given any attention, they're just left to die, alone.

• It's perfectly normal in the PRC to just disappear, and if you make a statement going against how amazing the government is, you can pretty much expect to be disappearing into nihility pretty soon.

• Do you know what happened on the 4th June? Everyone should, unless of course you're Chinese, in which case it never happened. In China the incidents of the 4th June is pretty taboo about as taboo as cracking jokes on rape, necrophilia and paedophilia over the table at a formal gathering. Well, if you don't know, on 4th June, 1989 students and other people of knowledge decided to gather and protest. Big mistake, according to China's official records only 200 people died, and although there's no way of knowing exactly, the numbers are probably more like 2000-3000.

• There's a massive firewall in China, what this means is: anything that China disagrees with, or allows the Chinese a fraction of autonomy is blocked, yes sites like Flickr, Myspace, Facebook and YouTube are blocked by the Chinese Government. Also websites from outside China such as Google China, Yahoo China etc have promised to conform, i.e. not show any undesirable results.

2.) Moths

• Random, I know, but they're so DISGUSTING, completely... I DID upload a photo of one, but the feelings of nausea overcame me, just google moth, they're fucking nasty.

3.) Human Immunodeficiency Virus & Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome

• Firstly, if you don't know what either of these are, you're stupid, incredibly stupid.

• There's something terrifying about these maybe it's because it's killing an estimated 2.1 million people and over 33.2 million people already are living with it.
  

• So, there's treatments out there to slow down the disease, but still it's of little comfort considering there's no vaccine or cure. Sure you can have all the safe-sex you want but not many people take into consideration that they can also get it from breastmilk or blood, so all it takes would be one slip up... I mean I know I randomly bleed all the time so how hard must it be to make sure you don't bleed at all?

• Ignorant people also don't help, people who believe that HIV and AIDS doesn't exist, or those who believe it's a divine punishment, Nelson Mandela, he's regarded as a hero, yet he denies this disease exists. Ignorance is a grave danger and one of the reasons diseases like HIV spread is due to ignorance, the majority of deaths regarding this are in the sub-Saharan region of Africa, why? Because they're ignorant, not through their own fault of course, but because charities are corrupt they don't get the help they need, treatments to make living with HIV & AIDS are expensive and not everyone can afford them.

4.) Eating Disorders

• I've actually put in a considerable amount of research into eating disorders, mainly Anorexia Nervosa (as opposed to anorexia meaning something completely different to Anorexia Nervosa) and Bulimia Nervosa.

• People credit eating disorders as being 'attention seeking' and maybe they are, I don't know, what I do know is that they're serious, they're mental disorders and are mortiferous.

• Only 1/3 of people with Anorexia Nervosa receive mental care, with only 6% of bulimics receiving mental care.

• Anorexia Nervosa has the highest premature fatality rate of any other mental illness.

Illness Prevalence Research Funds
Eating Disorders 10 million £6,000,000
Alzheimer's Disease 4.5 million £323,500,000
Schizophrenia 2.2 million £175,000,000

(Source: Cerulean Butterfly)

Randomness ;D

Okay so I have no idea what to blog about...

So I dunno ;D

I really wanna start a translation project but I'm not sure if I can be arsed with learning loadsa kanji atm

Ah well

So erm I really wanna find some DECENT L'Arc~en~Ciel translations but no luck as of yet!

Ah well.

So at the minute I'm having trouble finding time to study Japanese cause I can only get online these days at night so I'm tired before I even start, this is mainly because my family are inconsiderate.

Damn it

So today's Japanese phrase is

「席に着く」

Or "Seki ni tsuku" meaning "Take my seat"

Grammar is seki = seat and tsuku = to take or to sit down
Ni is a particle indicating direction or destination of an action.

And apparently today's word is SUKI... I already know this, no point in spending anymore time on it :P

So yeah anyway.

There's nothing really much to say xD

So yeah anyway I'd like to say I'm doing well! Two blogs in the space of 2 days ;D

Ja~ matane!

Random Blog (Y)

Whoa so these past two weeks have been strange, I'm glad this week is over though lol.

So last week the computer broke because it wasn't mended properly to be honest.

The fan was put in backwards so the computer was reaching temperatures of over 100°C, the graphics card wasn't working (we knew this already) and some other problems.

I swear technology hates me!

But anyway, me and Spam went on a walk on the Thursday before last, we did have a plan, but we got totally lost so we didn't fulfil them but it was a lot of fun anyway (I'll have to upload the photos soon).

Then after that I got my haircut which in my opinion, it looks quite hot lol.

I uploaded photos of it so go look and comment! I'll return ;D

Erm... then the computer died AGAIN because of a fucking virus!

KUSO! XD

But everything with the computer is fine now, I hope.

So erm, I've just spent about an hour sorting out ScribeFire so I can blog more and easier too.

Damn it's fine now though...

By the way if any of you have a facebook feel free to add me!

The link for my facebook is:

http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=754503227

So please add or create an account because despite what idiot teens think it truly is better than myspace!

So yeah I think I've covered pretty much everything.

Although I'd like to add I pretty much bum over We The Kings at the minute, so check them out: