Hardly Fair...

This is hardly fair, is it?

My mum and sister expect me to stay off the internet during the day because 'I'm on all night', the reason WHY I'm on all night is because I CAN'T get on during the day.

My mum is always making out she's the victim in everything, when she isn't, she twists my words and calls me a liar.

It's quite unfair actually.

The only four people I regularly see are Sarah, Riah, Siobhaun and Cierra.

And as great as they are, I still have other friends... like friends closer to home I NEVER see.

My mum goes on about how she has friends she talks to everyday on Facebook, what about me? What about MY friends I NEVER see?

I'm basically depressed constantly cause I can't vent, they won't LET me vent.

I can't talk to them no matter what they say, do they care? No.

They think that me being online all night is through my choice, it isn't.

So my mum has friends on facebook, I have friends that I can't even ARRANGE to meet up with because I can't get online during the day to see them, I can't text them cause I haven't got credit on my phone and she complains if I ask for her credit.

She's basically crippling my social life because she has to be on facebook during the day.

She's pathetic.

And I hope she DOES see the feed on my facebook, and I hope she DOES click it, and I hope she DOES read this.

I mean... I can't talk to the people I need to, the ones I've not seen in ages because they don't want me to come online, cause they're SO much important than me.

I'm fucking sick of her...

Like in the last two weeks, I've been able to get online about 3 times during the day, but even then they've complained.

She goes on about Mafia Wars like is so fucking important.

It's a game, whereas, my happiness isn't a game, she's my MOTHER she should care about my happiness.. you'd think, anyway.

Basically she dislikes who I am, and for things I can't help.

I swear, what does she expect when she's always swearing.

I'm nasty to her, what does she expect when she doesn't give me the time of day.

I can only get through to her when I argue, and even then she shouts me down and doesn't listen.

So much for her facade of "You can talk to me about anything" FUCK YOU, you only say that so I'll stop cutting, so you won't feel guilty, so it won't look bad on YOUR parenting.

I cut because I'm UNHAPPY, do you care?! NO!

I can't even have an opinion because it would make God unhappy...well Mum, you and I, we both obviously serve different Gods.

And then you always go on about not having favourites...you fucking do, why lie?!

Matthew and Lucy are your favourites, because they're nothing like the Cartwrights you DESPISE.

You hate me, you hate my dad, you hate MY family, because they are my family, nothing to do with you and your perfect kids.

I mean.. if you weren't gonna be ready for me, if you weren't gonna accept me without having to lie to yourself.

You shouldn't have even had me, seriously.

So yeah. Bye, now I'll let you have YOUR way, again.

I sincerely hope you read this, because then you'll know the truth, undoubtedly I know you'll twist it, like you ALWAYS do, because there's no point in lying, you'll kick up a massive fuss and say you do care and you do everything for me.

But in the end, you don't have the time of day for me, you're too content in your own life to care about me.

Infact I don't think you have any maternal instinct over me, you love Matthew, you love Lucy, you hate me, you've said this numerous occasions, to my face, to other family members, to other people.

I'm sorry I can't be your PERFECT idea of a son.

I'm sorry I can't be straight, and nice and clean cut and as amazing as Matthew.

I know I'm not as good-looking as Matthew and I know you'll never love me as equally as Matthew, so don't bother trying anymore.

Just don't bother anymore.

I'm past caring about anything.